Radical Availability

Easter In Isolation; The Light Hasn't Been Dimmed

Seven years ago I wrote to my patients that there is no longer anything to grieve at Easter.

Now, as we all sit separated by a world-wide quarantine, those words seem harder to swallow. From the perspective of what feels more like Good Friday, Easter Sunday is almost unimaginable. The cold hand of suffering has a tight grip as death tolls rise every day. But in fact, even in these dark hours, the light of Easter has not dimmed one bit.

It's true that the annual gatherings of family and friends after colorful religious services, a smell of lilies overwhelming cathedrals, sanctuaries and chapels, whole communities hunting for colored eggs, and children dressed in pretty outfits, have all been cancelled this year. We will miss those things. But we can live with that. Because, nothing can compete with what really shows up today. Simply put, the miracle of love we are given on Easter is that we don't have to live in perpetual fear of our last breath. No longer sentenced to an open grave, we have all been set free. This is pretty astounding. The words of poet and artist, Caryll Houselander ring so true during these times as she tells us;

When the world seems to be finished, given up to hatred and pride, secretly, in unimaginable humility, Love comes to life again.  There is resurrection everywhere.”

Easter happens, not only as an event expected and fulfilled, but also as an ongoing process. It will not be shut down by hard times. This Easter is both liberating and life changing for us as individuals and for the community-at-large. The most important thing we can do to going forward is to fully engage with one another (even if at a safe distance for the moment).

By becoming radically available, our dreams and hopes move from the backseat to the front. 

Time is so fickle.  We always think there will be plenty of it and find that it has slipped away.  I clearly remember staring at the clock reading 2:47 at North Ridge Junior High School.  It was attached to a master time keeper in the principal’s office so that each classroom would be governed by the same moment.  The minute hand popped every sixty seconds from one number to the next rather than creeping toward its’ destination.  It took DAYS for those thirteen pops to take us to the 3:00 dismissal bell.

Now, at age 69, I glance at a clock that might say 2:47 only to look back up in a matter of seconds and find that it reads 5:00.  So, considering the nature of time, I think now is the best starting point for a renewed engagement. By becoming radically available, our dreams and hopes move from the backseat to the front. 

Our limited time becomes limitless.  No longer will we be prisoners of expectations and demands which constrict us to schedules set in stone.  A definitive announcement will be made to the universe as a prayer to God and a shout out to all of those who are waiting for our helping hand, willing spirit and dream-starved heads, declaring; ‘Here I am’. 

No pandemic can diminish or limit the message of Easter.

Humankind, as the body of Christ, is fragile, broken and imperfect.  No one special group has all the answers to theological issues.  No one certain people or religion get a free pass to heaven while everyone else burns in hell.  Our whole fragmented, earth-bound body gets to participate in the ultimate miracle experienced today.  No pandemic can diminish or limit the message of Easter.

Light shines through the darkness of our isolation and cannot be dimmed. My opponents become my friends, my captors become my hosts, and past pain inflicted becomes a sacrifice for the sake of our mutual healing. Easter sets us free.  Easter renews us.  Easter brings us home.




Radical Availability; Testifying to Love

It's not so easy to be available. There are people in our lives in distress, hurt and broken. We lend a hand only to find that they need more.

At some point, as we feel emotionally drained, the notion of boundaries and personal space creeps into our minds telling us to draw back a little or pull away entirely. Maybe being partially available, or being available based on our time constraints is enough. Any amount of being present is better than the vacuum of not being there at all. Our healing touch, words of encouragement. and listening ear, no matter the amount, will certainly bring love and healing to a breaking heart. Under certain circumstances, when the neediness is too extreme, perhaps practicing a little tough love is the answer. After all, there is such a thing as enabling. This is the dilemma. How much is too much or too little?

those in need (2).png

My more than four decades of providing help for folks who suffer with addictions and boys who have been abused confirms to me that recovery and healing is unique to the individual. Where one patient may require intensive interventions and lots of my time, some only need a little guidance, with a multitude of others somewhere in-between. Treatment should be person centered and individualized with goals leading to a discovery that life can be meaningful and joyful. I also found that traditional practices of tough love with a focus of disengaging by my participant families were rarely helpful.

On the other hand, when parents, spouses, friends, and teachers became completely engaged, the outcomes almost always exceeded expectations. I call this 'Radical Availability' and, though it flies in the face of many treatment constructs, it works. Radical Availability is similar to what goes on at an ICU. The suffering person becomes our unfettered, kind, gentle, and loving focus. This is not to say that everyone gets well. Addictions and trauma are relentless and still fatal for some. Nobody is to blame when things go terribly wrong. But if we have been radically available, there is no regret left behind that more could have been done.

Even though it can be consuming, Radical Availability is no more exhausting than tough love or detachment. It is a spiritual intervention unlike any other. I have written that;

We have the ability to be radically available because God is radically available.  There is no reason to be afraid.  Regardless of how dark it gets and no matter how difficult the situation, God is with us.  God's arms are open and God’s heart breaks right along with ours. There is no time when we are left alone without resource.

In answer to the question of how much is too much or too little, I guess that maybe there is no perfect answer. Wynonna Judd gave one however in her I Will Testify to Love from the TV series “Touched by an Angel” which points us in the right direction when she sings "I will testify to love. I'll be a witness in the silences when the words are not enough." I believe in my heart of hearts that we are called to be radically available. Because in so doing we are affirming God's ever-present love...and there is never too much of that.