Just Like Me

It isn't always easy to recognize how much we are alike. When someone persistently rides your bumper in heavy traffic, steps in front of you in the checkout line, or makes an intentional statement designed to hurt, we feel our hackles rise and blood boil. But how often have each of us so offended others? Our reckless moments have probably left someone just as angry. We aren't very different after all. How meaningless it is to think we are any better or any worse than other people. Buddhist nun Pema Chodron, pioneer of the mindfulness movement, recently appeared on Oprah Winfrey's Super Soul Sunday. During a discussion of her book "Welcoming the Unwelcome" Pema revealed that she has a way of accepting and embracing those who stir up ire or negative reactions. She uses a simple little whisper or silent reminder, repeating the words; "Just like me."

Just like me. The one who lies and manipulates...also feels vulnerable and afraid of being rejected.

Just like me. The person who is controlling and short tempered...also worries about security and chaos.

Just like me. The seemingly ego driven know-it-all...also experiences deep loneliness  and self-doubt.

Just like me. The hurried and insensitive stranger...also is carrying a burden that blinds him to the needs of others.

The personal baggage we lug around over perceived slights and injustices weigh us down when we needn't carry them at all. This is even true of the more serious hurts and trauma. One of the boys under my care had suffered unthinkable physical, emotional and sexual abuse at the hands of a family member from ages 8-13. He was unable to function without drugs and alcohol to ease the pain. A group therapist in our treatment center who he admired asked him one day if he would go to the cafeteria and get a bag of garbage for her.  He complied willingly and came back with a large green bag full of food scraps and other waste. She then asked him if he would do her a big favor and carry it around with him after group. He agreed with some hesitation, but figured she would never do anything to hurt him. And he had just a little adolescent crush on her. So he dragged it around in spite of the amusement of his peers. But when he brought it back to group the next day, he was very unhappy and in tears.  The garbage had become heavier and smelled awful. Everyone avoided him. He begged his counselor to let him take it back to the cafeteria.  Her answer made an incredible impact on him and has stayed with me for decades.  She said; "Nobody told you that you had to keep carrying this garbage around with you. That was your decision. Take it away. Get rid of it and let it go."

Just like me...

Frederick Buechner once said; "All the absurd little meetings, decisions, inner skirmishes that go to make up our days. It all adds up to very little, and yet it all adds up to very much." He asserts that God speaks to us in the middle of these moments. Maybe that wee small voice is telling us to reconcile what is important with what is trivial. Maybe it is reminding us that all of us are "Just like me."

We Can Be Better; We Can Do Better

We are all good people.

That is a very bold statement. It is bold because there are undeniably so many examples of deplorable human behavior. It manifests in ever-expanding acts of violence, evil and hatred. However, we are all just as undeniably born as good people. Things happen along the way that harden our hearts and minds. But each of us continues to be a work in progress with a God-given capacity for good and an ability to become much better. Nobody is perfect. When these truths are recognized, we can finally begin to embrace the fundamental goodness in others and in ourselves.

“Our whole mission and purpose in life is one of love.”

— Robert Kenneth Jones

We have slipped into a dangerous and slippery place lately, where lines are drawn and walls have been built between those who are most like us and those who are different. Skin color, ethnic background, gender, religious beliefs, language, sexual orientation. and socioeconomic status are among the many ways we are dividing ourselves (most often in the name of safety and security). By so doing, we disown the ones who need us most. Those who suffer are held in contempt and blamed for their poverty of substance and spirit as if it comes from some inborn lack of initiative or laziness. Then, life becomes a contest of the strong against the weak which ultimately leads to wholesale persecution.

Where do we encounter God if not in the faces of one another? How can we know God at all if we establish a hierarchy of worth?

In short, we cannot.

The only God that can exist under those circumstances is more akin to Santa Claus who continually makes a list of the naughty and nice. Judgment and punishment are the hallmarks of how that kind of God relates to us. This cannot be. If God is Love in one breath, God cannot be executioner in the next. But since God is Love, and we are God's children, then our whole mission and purpose in life is one of Love. Jesus makes this clear in The Great Commandment (Matthew 22:36-40) when we are told above all else, to Love God, our neighbors and ourselves.

And so, good people, we are empowered. We are better than we thought. We can be better. We can do better.