A Journey at Night; The Road That Takes Us Home

They roused him up in the dark of night. It was time to go. They even watched him get dressed. Humiliated, he pulled on his jeans and yanked a tee shirt over his head. A shiver went up his spine. Or maybe it was a shudder. All he knew for sure was this is what had filled him with dread for so many days since the hearing. Fighting back tears, he looked up at the woman and the police officer. There was no way he was going to cry in front of them. And no getting out of this situation. He would be leaving home for good and going somewhere to be with people he didn't know. Through the darkness and rain they went down unfamiliar streets until the Plymouth pulled up in front of a big house. There were people under a dim light standing on the porch.

Stories like this one have been shared with me over the years by dozens of boys and girls who 'fell into the system' for one reason or another.

Foster placements, detention centers, or other institutions become makeshift homes where wounded and broken kids are hidden away and sometimes forgotten. But I tell this compilation tale, not to shed light on our often woefully deficient children's services programs. I'll save that for another day. I tell it to you because this is your story. It's the story of each of us. It pauses at some point with a dim light and door opening. There is no clue to process or outcome because that’s how life's spiritual journey goes. It is always searching for home.

I've written extensively about the spiritual journey, faith, love, and transformation. These seem to be the things most important to explore. And during these seasons of light, we are reminded that in order to really appreciate the light we must have known darkness. We are taken far away on bumpy roads and put into boats. Our wanderings take us to troubled waters with no land in sight. Hard times and good times alike make us begin to ache for home.

With no compass and only the North Star to guide us we begin to stumble back in the general direction as best we can. Our hunger to be welcomed is only equaled by the fear that we will be rejected. For the kept secrets have been revealed and we will be fully known. Then we reach the hilltop overlooking those familiar fields.

The sun is just rising and you have been discovered. Both father and mother run out to greet you. The fatted calf is being prepared in your honor. The one who was lost has been found. They whisper in your ear the words you have so desperately needed to hear. You are my beloved child. Welcome home. Welcome home. Welcome home.

Descending Into Fear; Finding Spiritual Wholeness

I recently wrote about how love trumps fear.  Truly, love is the only game in town as far as trumping goes.  We are programmed by our culture to dismiss fear and equate it with cowardice.  When I was a boy, the one who showed fear was called 'yellow' and teased about being a baby.  An image of General George S. Patton slapping a young WWII soldier who was overcome by fear is an iconic example of our disdain for succumbing to it.  Love is not always easy to find when fear shows up.

But love is always present and always ready to be discovered.  Overlooking it is the problem.  We tend to try finding relief from fear by being brave, and by ascending above the troublesome circumstances we face.  Though there might be some validity to rising above fear, the solution is only temporary.  By shoving fear aside, planting it deep inside, and never dealing with it, we are setting up lifelong chronic survival responses. We are trying to grab control and hang on for dear life.  I'm not saying we shouldn't be brave.  I'm saying that there is a time in which we must descend into the fear in order to find our true identity. Love can only be found when our tough exterior is cracked open.

"Up is nowhere special at all, but hidden inside of down. Up is dangerous for the soul, while down is communal and comforting." ~ Richard Rohr

The descent into fear is well chronicled in religion, mythology, and tales handed down to us over the millennia.  The Bible story of Jonah being swallowed by a whale, Luke Skywalker and friends caught in the bowels of a garbage compactor, Jesus' forty-day desert experience, and Muhammad's revelation in the cave Hira, all reveal the necessity of facing our greatest fears by entering into the depths of innermost being.  The result is a mystic transformation.  This is what Joseph Campbell called the Hero's Journey. So, being bold enough to descend into fear leads us to the tunnel of liberation.  This is authentic courage.  It is not made up of violence and retaliation.  It is an embrace of our true selves and hence, a full embrace of infinite love.  In what seems to be brokenness we experience wholeness...and we find God.