There is no doubt about it. Life can be cruel. The things we go through often shape self-concepts. What other people think of us or say can lead us to define ourselves through the vision of one limited perspective.
Life can also be kind. Yet, even kindness molds who we think we are to fit the narrow definitions of others. Nobody can be fully known. And the perceptions of others are matched by a very limited understanding of ourselves. Hence, the proverbial question, Who Am I. All of us have dark secrets and even bright hopes never revealed. They are the stuff of combined experiences that make up the false self or ego. They keep us safe yet distant from the love which is at the core of who we really are.
A bold statement is heard around the tables of Alcoholics Anonymous. It must have been passed down for decades. They say; "Your opinion of me is none of my business." Participants who are changing their lives through living the 12 Steps have suffered mightily as a result of the disease which crippled them. Like tornadoes, their addiction has wrecked the world around them as well. But the restorative work they bravely do brings them to the realization that it is impossible to recover if they allow themselves to be defined by others.
In order to forge a new life, they cannot allow the judgments and opinions of even those who are closest to guide them. For if they do, all could be lost. Don't get me wrong, the AA people spend a lot of time making amends for their errors and omissions. This is a touchstone of healing. They have found, however, that authentic relationships with themselves, with others and with God can never happen if they are focused on what other people think about them. Perhaps this is why so many insist that they are glad to be an alcoholic.
I'm reminded of the wonderful story that Jesus tells of the Prodigal Son as recounted in the Bible (Luke 15:11-32). The wayward son, who has pretty much done it all, finds it impossible to continue living his wild and crazy life. He comes home expecting to be ridiculed and perhaps even rejected. His older brother, on the other hand, has been a good boy and expects to be lauded for his accomplishments and rewarded for his work. Neither of them gets what they think they deserve. Instead, the father embraces them both with the gift of unconditional love. No rewards and no punishments. Each son is prized for who they are, not what they might have done. So it is with us.
We cannot win or lose our way to who we are. There is a voice at the center of our being that whispers the truth. We never were nor ever will be measured by what has happened along the way. You are loved. And love is who you are. God stands in front of us with open arms. Beloved from all eternity…This is the ultimate spiritual experience of life.