It asks us to let go and let God. Easter reminds us that our lives are not our own. We clearly discover that we are not in charge. God seems to have another idea for us. It is an idea which has little to do with our own plans.Couldn’t most all of us confirm that we never planned to be exactly who we are and where we are today?Our passions and dreams are only diminished by the alluring attraction of wealth, power or even by the need for security. When we compromise, put off or set aside the fire in our bellies, the chances are good that it might be reduced to a flickering memory of what-might-have-been.
And so, we trudge ahead, doing what we are expected to do. The terrible consequence is a life lived only on the surface. We arrive at our destination and find there is nobody there to cheer for us. We take nothing with us and finish as a weary traveler. Then we simply disappear into the background.This is God's better idea. As Gods exceptional and beloved child, each of us is given special gifts and special powers unique unto ourselves. Every gift and power ignite that little fire which burns as our passion. When we pay attention to this fire it becomes bliss. We are directed by its light through darkness, rain and life storms.When true to our course, following our bliss and honoring God’s gifts we become enabled to live fully. We become instruments of God’s dream. We arrive at our destination in the embrace of a loving community. We bring all of the accumulated love with us. We are never forgotten.Easter is a time for renewal and new beginnings. We have a chance to affirm our gifts and to re-ignite our special powers. Easter sets us free. Easter renews us. Easter brings us home.“When I look through God's eyes at my lost self and discover God's joy at my coming home, then my life may become less anguished and more trusting." ~ Henri Nouwen
I have always been a Tigger person. His bounce and exuberance can be both wonderful and annoying. But more than anything, Tigger continually revels in his uniqueness. “The most wonderful thing about Tiggers is I’m the only one!” He thoroughly knows his character assets (cuddly, awfully sweet, a wonderful chap, loaded with vim and vigor and of course…fun).He constantly explores the things that others do well and always fails in his attempts to emulate or duplicate. Then, Tigger does the most wonderful thing, he accepts and then embraces who he is. Finally, he continues to celebrate.There is a happy philosopher and mystic in our Tigger. The Persian poet Hafez tells us that God only knows four words; “Come dance with me.” Tigger only knows four words; “Come bounce with me.” He embodies the wisdom of ‘thisness’ as described by Duns Scotus who said the absolute freedom of God allows God to create, or not to create, each creature.Its existence means God has positively chosen that creature, precisely as it is. In other words, each and every one of God’s creation is unique, one of a kind and specifically chosen to exist. The mold was broken at your birth as demonstrated by your DNA. There has never been and will never be another one who is just like you…and me…and Tigger.As Holy Week comes, pointing our way to Easter perhaps we might hope, dance and bounce our way along. I believe that God has a dream for us to live life fully with an ever-expanding joy. God loves for us to be wonderful (wonder-filled) things…Tiggers one and all.“Human beings are most fully human when they realize that they are creatures and give joyful response to the Creator. All that we are and all that we have comes from God; we are part of God's dream for a good creation using our freedom to do God's will.” ~ Verna Dozier
Photo by Dimitar Belchev on Unsplash
Though some cold, snow and ice may show up in the next few days and weeks, the end of their reign is done. Only a few months ago we welcomed the first falling flakes in anticipation of holidays with gatherings of friends and family. Then, after being homebound, scooping too many driveways, being stuck at the side of the road, we moaned at the thought of more winter. When would it ever end!? Well, now is the time.
“Life can be great…but not when you can't see it. So, open your eyes to life: to see it in the vivid colors that God gave us as a precious gift to His children, to enjoy life to the fullest, and to make it count. Say yes to your life.” ~ Nancy Reagan
I propose that the best option we have is to enjoy life with every fiber of our being. The alternatives are bleak really, but the choice is ours to make. My personal credo for the past decade has been this; Life is a celebration. You just have to decide whether you are coming to the party or not.
There is nothing in the past that can sneak back into the present and drag you into its’ distant murky caves. There is nothing in the future that can lift you to its’ sunny shores either. Say ‘Yes’ to this morning. Say ‘Yes’ to this afternoon. Say ‘Yes’ to this evening. Say ‘Yes’ to Life. Then loosen your tight grip and let go. It’s your chance to embrace the moment. What are you waiting for?
“Live! Live! Live! Life is a banquet and most of you suckers are starving to death” ~ From the movie Aunie Mame
This is how I learned about loosening my grip on life. Several years ago I was asked to go with my best friend Steve and his nephew Greg to an old, rather run down amusement park in the Smokey Mountains. It was not what I had in mind, but the kid really wanted to ride the rides. One of them was an ancient wooden roller-coaster. It reeked of danger. But, like a good sport, I got in the seat and was buckled in. I was holding on to the safety bar with all my might before the thing ever took flight. When Greg saw my grip he asked why I was so freaked out while just sitting there. I was embarrassed and let go. He said that his Uncle Steve always told him to hold his hands up in the air during the ride and that I should try it. Not wanting to appear a chicken, I took his suggestion. It turned out to be the best roller coaster experience of my life.
So let’s all hop in…let go…and enjoy the ride! Why not? Life is Good.
While other causes of death are on the decline, suicide is climbing…and it's doing so for every age group under 75. Suicide is the second-highest cause of death for 15 to 34 year-olds with the phenomenon of ‘suicide contagion’ or copycat suicide ever-increasing among teens. The suicide rate in the United States has grown by 24 percent over the last 15 years. Don’t you wish this was fake news? But it’s not.Music and Youth Culture Raise Suicide AwarenessLogic, the American rapper, singer, songwriter, and record producer has released a track on his most recent and third studio album called Everybody with the title, “1-800-273-8255” featuring Alessia Cara and Khalid in an effort to increase awareness and put a personal face on suicide. The song offers up the 800 number to guide people, especially his young audience, to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The hit song turned out to have an incredible impact in 2017. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (NSPL) says they received a 50 percent surge in calls last year after the April release of his new track. Logic performed the record at the 2018 Grammys. The NSPL revealed that in the two hours following Logic's performance of the track counselors received three times the number of calls they usually receive in that time period.It Feels Like It's My FaultI am no stranger to suicide. My work as a human services provider has all too often brought me to the broken hearts of those who are contemplating suicide as well as those that have loved a person who ended their own life. It’s hard to find anyone who is untouched by this. My own family has suffered through several. Each one has left us in a state of confusion and self-blame. I can never forget the awful notifications. I can never forget having to then break the news to loved ones. The memories are so vivid. I can never forget.Along with the fact that suicide is devastating and painful, it is also highly stigmatized. Its illusion of shame elicits a code of silence creating an even deeper misery. By ending this code of silence and destigmatizing suicide (and other mental health issues) the desolation they cause will be diminished. John Nieuwenburg is an award-winning business coach who addresses the way that we might move beyond silence and shame. His TEDx Talk is a must-see for those who suffer, family members, friends, human service providers, and Chaplains.New Trends in Suicide Prevention: Brain Science and ACESPrevention is possible. It is important to understand the risk and to know the facts. We are beginning to better understand the suicidal brain through new scanning techniques. Studying differences in the brains of suicide attempters and depressed individuals who never attempt suicide may help in developing better treatments. The incredible work being done with adverse childhood experiences (ACES) is leading us to believe that cumulative trauma in children increases suicide ideation in adults. A whole new treatment protocol is being established in communities like Memphis where schools, parents, hospitals, physicians, and other human service providers are being trained to recognize, screen for, and deal with trauma with its long term consequences. We have learned that 50 percent of lifetime mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, personality disorders, suicide ideation, and PTSD begin by age 14. Do you want to be the one to help? Here is a useful hashtag tool that might lead you in the right direction. #BeThe1ToThe Startling Truth of Blue SuicideThere is an alarming increase in police officer suicide that escapes national attention. ‘Blue Lives Matter’ is more than a slogan. These men and women who bravely serve and protect us face trauma or the threat of trauma every day they go to work. Like veterans of war, they are likely to think about suicide and act on those thoughts much more frequently than the average adult. Dr. David J. Fair, President, and C.E.O. Homeland Crisis Institute Crisis Intervention, Training, Consulting, and Response wrote recently that; “Police officers must deal with Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) daily. With officers being killed on almost a daily basis PTSD is raging. Not just for the officers where the shooting happened but on a national basis with something called Secondary PTSD. You can't work in law enforcement and not be affected by a police officer being injured or killed.” The Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention has created a study guide for Chaplains and other counselors. We are told that more law enforcement officers in The United States die by their own hand than are killed by felons. We must help break the silence and elevate suicide prevention efforts for the sake of our dedicated public servants, their families, and communities.Creating Suicide Programs and Ending the SilenceThere is so much more to be said. Worldwide, 350 million people (that’s 5 percent of the population) struggling with depression every day. They are suffering and sometimes dying in silence because we can’t seem to talk openly about it. We must push the conversation forward. Middle and high school health classes would be a perfect place to begin the dialogue. But precious few programs exist. Instead, remain silent or we continue to put most of our efforts into postvention.Let’s get out of our cycle of denial by admitting openly that these issues are real and lethal. Perhaps then, a Power Greater Than Ourselves can restore us to sanity.
Certainly, being a human service provider, a pastor, a chaplain, a police officer, healthcare worker, teacher, first responder, parent, caregiver, or some other servant leader can lead to burnout.You Are Not Alone: Hitting the Wall and So Many StressorsYou seem to hit a wall. It is a place of feeling overwhelmed, tired, pressured and crowded. All of the promises made and things that must be done are just too much. To live up to the expectations of others and those that are self-imposed becomes impossible.If you are experiencing (or have ever experienced) burnout, you are not alone. I sure have. It even led me to quit one job. I have also used excessive amounts of alcohol to relieve those pressures. The World Health Organization found that 96% of all mental health care workers experienced some level of burnout while a full half of their other study respondents experienced very high-levels.Am I Burning Out...Or Just Overly Tired?The Mayo Clinic has developed some questions, symptoms, and solutions to help us with ‘burnout syndrome’. I have found them helpful because it is often too late when my denial is finally overcome by exasperation and exhaustion. The consequences are never good. Physical, emotional and spiritual health can become so compromised that simple self-care is not enough. Professional help is all that will do. Not that seeking counseling is bad (it’s what I do for a living), but there are also things we can do and ways to recognize burnout before it gets too serious.Steven Covey described good methods for finding balance before burnout in his classic book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People with Habit 7, ‘Sharpening The Saw’. He tells us that there are four areas of “saw-sharpening” (or preserving and enhancing the greatest asset we have which is ourselves). He suggested having a balanced program for self-renewal in physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual areas of our lives.Physical: Beneficial eating, exercising, and restingSocial/Emotional: Making social and meaningful connections with othersMental: Learning, reading, writing, and teachingSpiritual: Spending time in nature, expanding spiritual self through meditation, music, art, prayer, or service”Oh by the way, if this book is not in your library you are missing a treasure.It is an absolute necessity that we care for ourselves in these four areas. The choices are rather simple. We can take time for regular renewal or we can burnout by overdoing, We can hit the wall or we can continue to serve. Feeling good doesn't just happen. We must live a life in balance by taking the necessary time to renew and refresh.Blue Burnout for LEO's and ChaplainsPolice officers experience a high rate of burnout syndrome and plateauing as described by the National Criminal Justice Reference Service (NCJRS).These men and women are protectors of justice, civil rights, and of the public who depend upon them. They give us long hours of service which are filled with continual stress. It is no wonder they are highly susceptible to overwhelming fatigue. Their heavy responsibilities often cause them to become hypervigilant and angry. There is far too little time for taking care of themselves. Blue Silence can become the rule of the day resulting in isolation, depression and suicide ideation. There are ways to deal with LEO burnout just as with other professions. One of the most important things to do is to reach out to Chaplains and other trusted people in the department. These are the folks who will understand. Nobody can handle this alone.Chaplains burnout too. Dealing with trauma and loss on a regular basis can lead to a skewed perspective and hypersensitivity. I always think of the verse in Mark 5:24-34 when the woman touches Jesus’ cloak while seeking healing. He is being pressed by the crowd yet feels a draining effect and turns around to see who touched his clothes.Talk about being sensitive! It is critically important for Chaplains to engage in regular mental health days away from their duties. When work is also a ‘calling’ there is an obligation which exceeds other professions. There are specific ways that are somewhat unique to Chaplains in recognizing and dealing with burnout. It is important to remember that little healing or spiritual guidance for others can be offered by a pastor who is chronically overwhelmed. Here is a helpful verse for reflection:The grace of God means something like:Here is your life.You might never have been, but you are,because the party wouldn’t have been complete without you.Here is the world.Beautiful and terrible things will happen.Don’t be afraid.I am with you.~ Frederick BuechnerA Case for Understanding Burnout and Help from The A Familiar NeighborThere is a novel I read a long time ago by Graham Greene called “A Burnt-Out Case.” It is a good resource for all of us. As the incidence of burnout rises it might be essential. The 2016 General Social Survey conducted byThe University of Chicago found that 50 percent of its respondents were consistently exhausted because of work, compared with 18 percent two decades ago. So we are all subject to burnout. There are no exceptions in any work-related field. This major health concern is far too pervasive to ignore or deny.Perhaps we need a bit of Mister Rogers wisdom in our hectic work-a-day world. He reminded us that while no one is perfect, it's our individual imperfections that make each one of us so special. We need to remember his gentle words; "I like you just the way you are" as we take the time to be as good to ourselves as we are to others. The only requirement is that we do the best we can. No more.We are not meant to be in high-stress situations all of the time despite living in an age where stress seems to be glorified…and where giving in is a sign of being a wimp. I have finally come to the conclusion that if being a ‘wimpy kid’ means taking care of myself and avoiding burnout…then let wimpdom be my home. I, for one, intend to live life fully. How about you?
Can we parents, family members, friends, supervisors, teachers, pastors or human service providers get the people in our sphere of influence to do things that are good for them when they seem to be going in the wrong direction or even on a collision course with disaster?Why Do Good People Make Bad Choices?When presented with seemingly good options they choose a path of least resistance, the easy way out…or even pursue repetitious behaviors that fail every single time. It is frustrating to watch as life batters the people we care about. It feels like no matter what we do to force compliance or how much nagging, pleading and threatening is exerted, minimal change occurs. Far too often we end up exasperated with it all and just cut the person loose in the name self-preservation, detachment or tough love. It’s time to take another look. Perhaps all we need to do is provide a little nudge or to ‘catch them being good’.It's hard to change habits, but often a gentle push rather than a big shove can direct us in the right way. My own discovery of this truth happened at The Children’s Home of Vermilion County in Danville, Illinois where I was a child care worker in the early 1970s. There were eight boys, age 6-12 who were placed in my residential unit. My work with The Child Care Institute and with some innovative professors at The University of Illinois led me to believe that disadvantaged, abused and neglected children could achieve at the same level as their societal counterparts who had not experienced the rough edges of life. My boys were poor students who were disruptive at school and at our home. I decided to employ punishment techniques used throughout the institution for several weeks using consistent consequences for negative behavior. Nothing much changed. The boys generally complied but didn’t thrive. When I altered my methods to match discoveries about positive reinforcement or ‘catching them being good’ the change in our living environment was dramatic. The kids began to work harder to achieve goals. They became curious, grades improved and the atmosphere in the cottage became fun, spontaneous and controlled. You might wonder how and why this shift was so successful. It all started with the work of Dr. B. F. Skinner.How To Shape Behavior in Positive WaysSkinner developed and refined his theory of operant conditioning way back in 1948. He wanted to shape behavior in ways that were pleasant rather than punishing. He found by rewarding small behavioral steps toward a goal that responses changed rather easily and desired targets were reached quickly. His research led to enormous changes in classroom teaching developed by Dr. Wesley C. Becker at The University of Illinois. Becker discovered that instead of pairing misbehavior and attention more effective learning occurred when teachers paired desired behavior and attention. Paying positive attention to incremental successes greatly improved and accelerated learning. Becker went on to write a book called Parents Are Teachers which gave tools developed in classrooms to everyday Moms and Dads. Skinner and Becker became my mentors and the Children’s Home became my lab. The great discovery revealed that ‘catching them being good’ worked more effectively than other techniques.So how can we use this information here and now? Well, it’s become all about The Nudge! Richard Thaler won the 2017 Nobel Prize in economics for his Nudge Theory. He co-authored a book called Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness with Cass R. Sunstein which generated a lot of enthusiasm. It is interesting to me that this approach to behavior change comes from Thaler, a professor of economics at the University of Chicago and Sunstein, a legal scholar. Their simple wisdom for us all is this; “If you want to encourage people to do things…make it easy.” The theory teaches that “nudges” will help us manage our kids, our co-workers, our health and our aspirations.A nudge makes it more likely that an individual will make a choice, or behave in a particular way so that automatic cognitive processes are triggered to favor the desired outcome. Just like Skinner and Becker, Thaler proposes that positive reinforcement and arranging the work, school or home environment will achieve non-forced compliance to influence the motives, incentives and decision making of groups and individuals. The results have been astounding.Police Departments And A Nudge In The Right DirectionIt has been suggested that police departments use Nudge Theory to reduce repeated criminal behavior. John H. Laub of the University of Maryland and Jim Bueermann of the Police Foundation presented their sweeping plan for the use of Nudge at the 2013 Jerry Lee Symposium and some departments have embraced Nudge Theory successfully.I have become interested in how we might use The Nudge to help LEO’s get support services after trauma at work. Forcing them to be compliant with departmental policies and procedures to attend individual or group therapy sessions have proven to be only marginally effective. Nudge thinking is a stark departure from our traditional “carrots and sticks” approach. It relies on the idea that small changes to the “choice environment” can encourage large changes in people’s actions. Part of the appeal of nudges for both those seeking change and those who are being asked to change is that instead of mandating behavior, nudges offer people the ability to make their own decisions. There is substantial information and data which lead me to believe that a small tweak in the way we frame our internal systems will result in the desirable behaviors we want and healthier outcomes for everyone.Measures such as on-the-clock 20-30 minute didactic support groups every two to four weeks put on by local mental health providers, counselors, and in-house Chaplains would reduce the stigma associated with mandatory ‘head shrinking’. Completion of course work related to the groups could enable merit increases and/or affect chances for promotion. Using nudges to improve program adherence could promote better outcomes while limiting program costs. There are a plethora of possible benefits to utilizing The Nudge for law enforcement. As Richard Thaler tells us, we just need to make it easier.Using A Simple Nudge Toward SuccessThere is a huge opportunity to influence behavior in positive ways by employing nudge thinking. Remember that the beauty lies in its simplicity. From protecting the environment to encouraging kids to succeed and stay in school, from the efficacy of health services to reducing criminal behavior and from an opioid epidemic to new pathways for freedom from addiction, we have a means for change by applying the insights of operant conditioning and behavioral economics. So, why not get started with a small step at home or at work? See what happens when you catch someone being good. We could be at the beginning of a journey with unbelievable outcomes.After all…It just takes a little nudge.
“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.Where there is hatred, let me sow love,Where there is injury, pardonWhere there is doubt, faith,Where there is despair, hope.”~ Prayer of St. FrancisI was at the Vietnam Wall in our nation’s capital for a lighted monument tour not long ago. Experiencing the memorial at night is even more somber than during the day.The monument was dimly lit to maintain its dignity and in an effort to project the mission of remembrance. Whenever I visit this place I make it a point to stand and reflect beneath the name of Ron Hoffman, my Danville, Illinois childhood friend who was killed in the conflict at age twenty. My sixty-plus-year-old eyes were not doing so well locating his name and place on the wall and I was struggling. Suddenly I was surrounded by a small group of eighth-grade kids who were from Ohio on a school field trip. They asked what I was doing. The vision of my old bent over body with squinting eyes (using an i-phone flashlight for guidance) must have inspired some concern. These good and selfless youngsters spent quite a bit of time helping me look for Ron’s name. They touched my shoulder, asked for my story and listened intently. A boy found him for me and began to shout; “Here he is. I found Specialist Hoffman!” One of them hugged me. Tears were rolling down my cheeks in gratitude and love. They became peacemakers at a war memorial and restored my faith in their generation. They inspired me to set aside my anger and resentment about the conflict which took (and continues to take) so many from my own generation. They helped me escape my fifty-year ‘kingdom of the night’ in about twenty minutes.“No one is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of the night." ~ Elie WieselNow come the children of Parkland, Florida who are emerging from their own kingdom of the night. Rather than living in resentment while tending their wounds, these young people have raised their voices in protest. They will not tolerate any more cruelty and violence. They are taking action and challenging the adults who make rules and laws. They have an incredible amount of hope and faith. They seem to fully comprehend that becoming instruments of peace can change everything.What does it mean to be an instrument of peace? The challenge and petition of St. Francis is compelling. It is not a sweet sentiment but rather a course setting directive. It is action oriented. If I am to become an instrument of peace, I must be willing to set aside prejudice, judgment, misgivings and long-held beliefs that my way is the right way. I have to become open to conversation and dialogue in uncomfortable situations. I offer myself as a listener and a co-operator. I will refuse to compromise what is right, good and just for what is popular, accepted or convenient. I will stand my ground with compassionate caring rather than with aggressive threats.Today, like these young people, I will have the courage be a peacemaker.Note: Ron’s name appears near the top of the picture in this post. He is buried at Spring Hill Cemetery in Danville.
by Robert Kenneth Jones
Broken relationships, active hostility in families, among former friends and associates, open wounds from mistreatment, and plain old misunderstandings leave a heavy burden for our hearts to carry.
They crush our spirits.
The tendency to hold on to resentments, plan revenge and lash out aggressively seem to be our human default mode. We cry out; ‘I’ll get them back some day…I’ll show them.’ The trouble is that this eye-for-an-eye way of reacting can only result in more trouble, more viciousness, more wounds and more anguish.
An entire lifetime can be controlled by a single incident which sets up the dominoes of recurrent violence. The weight of it is too much to bear and is an unnecessary encumbrance.
The way to a good relationship with God, self and others is to actively engage in healing and redemptive actions which offer reconciliation and forgiveness.
God wants a humanity that is characterized by fearless love. This Love neutralizes the power of evil and transforms it to good. It calls us to change the way we treat each other for the sake of God and community. It calls us to dedicate ourselves to each other.
Let’s take up that standard of inspiring children by teaching and modeling a non-violent, loving alternative.
Jesus teaches us to offer good for bad. He asks for us to pray for those who persecute us. He directs us to walk the extra mile, turn the other cheek and to love our enemy.
Kindness, mercy and compassion are the tools of recovery from woundedness.
When practiced and used with good intentions, they create restoration of a happy heart, healing of a crushed spirit and harmony in all of our relationships. Something new will spring out of what seemed to be spoiled or ruined situations.
Something new will be kindled in our souls. It all starts with simple action…with a kind heart, a touch, a smile, understanding eye contact or even a good joke. The crosses we carry will then become light.
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About the Author
In a career spanning over four decades, Robert Kenneth Jones has been an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse. His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
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