Reaching Out to Officers and Their Families

I often encountered difficulties in getting information to officers and their families when a line-of-duty death occurred. The information I typically wanted to distribute or inform them of was usually grief and bereavement related or information about support services and resources that were available.

Often I would make a brief presentation at roll calls and unit meetings and discuss support services and resources for the officers and their family members. Usually the handout material I would distribute would be found in the trash after the officers left. Officers seem to be reluctant to keep or take home information that may be helpful to them or their spouses and children that involve psychological or bereavement issues.  

Often agencies would have policies that restricted how the agency could contact family members directly. So we couldn’t send information through the mail addressed to “The family of ….”

Yet, there were also times when officers would share the information and we would get feedback that inquiries were being made and services provided. My objective was to make people aware of a variety of services and resources for them and their families and their friends, partners, and co-workers that may be beneficial in helping them through these difficult times, food for thought. If they declined the offer, fine. But to not be aware of it because the information was filtered out or screened by an officer, that’s really a disservice to everyone.

My discussions with officer’s family members after a funeral, often months later, would often include comments that they were not aware of the services and resources available to them through the agency. That there were few comments made about the death of the officer. That the most common comments made were something like “don’t worry about me ….” And “if something ever happens you’ll be well taken of.”  No personal introspective sharing, no emotions, no discussions about psychological support services or even finances. Although any of topics are private and personal they usually need to be discussed. My real concern is that they are not just ignored, but avoided.

Some very simple services like providing grief and bereavement material, informational meetings for specific agency members and/or their family members, and providing information about agency services and resources is beneficial, healthy, and an individual decision to use them or not. Information should be welcomed and shared, not blocked and trashed.

Another related issue is who should go to roll calls and unit meetings etc. and make presentations about support services and resources available to agency members. The answer is simple, someone who supports and believes in the importance of the message. I sat in the back of one roll call where the watch sergeant was assigned to make the announcement of services etc. He began his presentation by saying something like, “The chief wants me to tell you that the agency shrink is available for anyone who can’t handle what happened last night….” This is not what you want said or how you want it said. Be careful.   

The important thing is that funeral coordinators and agency manger’s need to try. Trying is more then handing out brochures or making an announcement. It takes some planning and effort and commitment. If not you, who?

John Cooley

Policefunerals.com

Off-Duty Is the Family’s Responsibility

I have enough experience to believe that when an agency has an officer die off-duty, and it is their first, and they have no idea how to help, they will likely say something like I just read in a news article. “Since (name) was not killed in the line of duty, Chief (name) said, the funeral arrangements will be made by (name) family.” Period. Only knowing what I read in the paper, it would appear to me that the agency is not involved in the funeral planning process.

What I would have liked to have read would be something like, “Even though Officer (name) was not killed in the line of duty, our agency will be providing all the assistance and support we can to the family during these difficult times.” But what could this assistance and support actually mean for an off-duty death?

Initially, if necessary, make the death notification according to the agency’s protocol. Regardless of how the notification was made, informing the agency’s chaplain, if there is one. Assign an agency funeral coordinator or liaison officer to work with the family to help them make all the fundamental arrangements; mortuary, church, memorial park, funeral service, and interment. Assist the family in accessing all available agency related benefits. Provide suitable grief and bereavement literature and counseling services. Inform the family of the agency’s desire to participate in the services and help coordinate that participation. Determine if the family would like an honors ceremony at the interment, and if so, coordinate those ceremonies.

The list could easily become quite detailed and extensive, but the point is that we can’t just say, “The arrangements will be made by the family.”  Well, we can say it, but I hope we don’t just let it end there. When an officer dies, we help. We are good at crisis management. Even if we have never done it before, there are services and resources available to help us learn and understand what can be done and how to do it. It just takes a desire and commitment to help our people.

Prior planning would be beneficial. A line of duty death funeral planning protocol would be informative and provide direction. If an agency is prepared for a line-of-duty death, then it is prepared for the death of an officer from any cause; illness, accident, or suicide. Off-duty deaths, especially those unexpected tragic events, are traumatic for every family and agency. There is much that can be done to provide assistance and support. The issue is not as much what to do, as are you ready to do it.

To say that “the arrangements will be made by the family” is unacceptable. It is not our responsibility to manage the funeral arrangements for the family but to help the family by providing guidance, support, and specific resources and services.

If not us, who?

John Cooley
Policefunerals.com  

How Much Do We Want To Do?

The question is not how much can we do? But, how much do we want to do? There is so much that can be done to help a surviving family and our officers and their families when an officer dies from any cause, but especially in the line-of-duty. So I think the real question we need to ask ourselves is, “How much do we want to do?”

I was the funeral coordinator for a large agency, over 9,500 sworn, and I had the staff and resources to do everything we wanted to do. We had officers die on a far too regular basis. We became good at our job of burying them. We provided the surviving family, both immediate and extended family members, with all the support and services, and resources available. We supported the agency members and insured they had access to all the services and resources they needed. We offered the same support, services, and resources to the officer’s families. We did everything we could.

At my seminars I often meet officers who share that they have never had a death and wonder how prepared they really need to be. Will having a comprehensive protocol on file and maybe some resource material available be sufficient? If nothing happens, yes. If a death occurs and you want to do things right, yes. We always do things right. But if you want to do things not only right but best, then it will take more commitment, preparation and work.  

To be prepared means to have someone assigned as the agency’s funeral coordinator. Someone who will learn what this means, study the protocol and resource material, seek out training, improve the program, be an active participant in the planning process, be an integral part of the management team responsible for responding to a death, and be supported by the agency executive and command staff. Then the funeral coordinator can be prepared to do all that they want to do, which is all that can be done.

There should never be a question of what should be done, but only how much do we want to do, which is how much can we do. The “how much” will often be determined by how much everyone involved, the surviving family, officers, and the officers families, will accept. It is not determined by the funeral coordinator.

So how prepared do you want to be? Only you can answer that question.

If not you, who?

John Cooley

Policefuneals.com